Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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