Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize