new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
