So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
