I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
