I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
