Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
