remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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