dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
