i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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