I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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