I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
