i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Randomize
