First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
