Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You made out with two different species that night
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
