Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
