I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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