god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
