Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
