No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
