I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
