Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
