last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize