There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
