Where did you get a picture of my penis
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
