there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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