The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
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