I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
