I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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