ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just google imaged poop.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
