I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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