There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
