Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
