you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I am spending my child support on dildos
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
