Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize