I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
