I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
