How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
