cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
