thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
