Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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