So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
