i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
