how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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