Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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