Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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