I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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