I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Congratulations! We have a period
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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