Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize