Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
