thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
