you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize