Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
