What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
