I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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