right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
