Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
