he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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