PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
