My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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