i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
