I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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