Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
