are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
