My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
where does the pee come out of this thing
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
