I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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